Online Friends vs Real Friends

I would have never given so much thought to this topic had it not been for the fact that I have spending a lot more time online than with real friends. These are two view points, very well written, on this topic.

The writer, N Madhavan's Twitter bio reads: “Columnist/journalist/tech writer, Hindustan Times, Delhi. Oh, music and movie lover as well.“ Follow him @madversity Think of the options on how you strike a friendship. “I met her at a party.“ Or “I met him at a café.“ Or “We were in business school together.“ And then, “ I met him on Twitter.“ Does the last one sound odd or spurious to you? But why should it? Friendships or relationships built on the Internet can be as real or unreal as in the real world. Social media is raging phenomenon with Facebook and Twitter bringing more contacts into your computer screen -and then on to your living rooms -than they did ever before. Alongside is an unwarranted pessimism about whether they are taking you away from the real world of friendships, relationships and conversations. The fears may be far-fetched, but we need to understand why. There is a genuine cause for concern when online existence becomes addictive enough for real world contacts to be underplayed or ignored. But that could be because the relationships there are more enriching in a way. So, it is a bit like asking: Has email killed the old-fashioned long-hand letters, now known pejoratively as snail mail? The answer could be a yes, but do consider the fact that short of giving you the romantic smell of paper and the visual appeal of long-hand writing, everything you did with letters can be done now with emails -and it is faster, better and cheaper. And often, richer. Similarly, conversations on Twitter can be enriching, and consequent friendships -can be rewarding. I have said that Twitter is the new parliament and Facebook is the new café. Both social media sites are flexible though Twitter dramatically increases the probability of finding a person who is closer to your tastes, values, interests or whatever you think makes a friendship tick. The other day, one spotted a tweet that wondered why the tweeter felt closer to strangers she met on Twitter than persons she had lived with for years. That may sound eerie, like an alcohol-induced illusion, but do consider the fact that this could be because the hidden longings of the person found an echo on Twitter. Echo is the right word. Every tweet you throw into the Twitterverse is like a stone cast into a pond. Some disappear, but some others cause positive ripples. Just as a matrimonial advertisement has often been touted in India as one for “wider choice,“ Twitter throws up chances for a “wider choice“ of people who can strike the right chords of empathy. The catch is that Twitter is about what you say, and like Facebook, may involve “projected selves“ than real ones. But then, false calls of the kind based on projections can be as probable in real life. Love marriages can fall apart after years, while matrimonial ads in online dating sites can lead to long lasting, fulfilling relationships. Twitter or Facebook need not be any different. In fact, Twitter is about conversations, often in real time. In Internet chat rooms, people often take up “avatars“ or pseudonyms, lie about themselves and may be living out their fantasies. But on Twitter, most people let others know who they are -more or less -barring a few with “protected tweets“ that can be read only with permission. Tweeting, is a spontaneous act,where through tone, tenor, grammar or exclamations, we reveal our real selves and could form a stronger ground for friendship. For the “non-verbal“ kind, Twitter may be limited to sharing pictures on Twitpic.com -but even that could kindled shared interests in viewing the world in a certain way. Naysayers who argue about the limits of online friendships need look no further than the boom in online matrimonial sites. There is a big question: what if a real person is different from the one you see on Twitter? The possibility exists, but in real life too, one may meet a person who turns out to be different later. There is nothing to beat a real-life friendship. But there is nothing to stop a Twitter conversation from becoming a real-life one. Direct, private messages on Twitter may yet help a tweeter get to know another one better. Like in real life, disappointments may ensure. Like in life, a wonderful friendship can also unfold. The writer Satbir Singh's Twitter bio reads: “Managing Partner & CCO Euro RSCG India. The views are my own. Sometimes, those of the whisky I've been having.“ Follow him @thesatbir Just the other day, a person approached me in a bar, arm outstretched. “Satbir? Hi, we're Facebook friends.“ I had to believe him. I have 1,200, you see. And, another 1,925 on Twitter who follow me, apart from the 800 that I do. I'm also LinkedIn with a few hundred professionals. Fortunately, I lost my Orkut password before I could get active. Honest. So, when you compare these 5,000 ladies and gents to the five I regularly meet, serious questions arise: am I a loner staring into Apple screens of varying sizes? Don't flesh and blood people like me? What, most importantly, is my average internet bill? Online relationships (I prefer Twitter's `follower' to FB's `friend'), do imitate some real life characteristics. To be fair, quite a few are, well, fair. You'll know we lost a late night match immediately before the papers tell you the day after after. If someone needs blood, it'll reach a million within minutes. I once tried raising money for a couple of drinks. Within a half hour, about Rs 47 were pledged. However, mostly, these seem to be degenerating into free media for venting. Everyone's angry about something: the politics, traffic, powercuts, cricket, cricket lovers, the crow that wakes you up at 5. Someone was angry about babies in public places (I'm guessing she was born an adult). The other everyone's ready with wisdom: for the PM, the opposition, Dhoni, CBI, RBI, Obama. That leaves everyone. They're currently making fun of authors, celebs, cricketers, newscasters. Poonam Pandey (she needs encouragement though).Where is the friendship bit? Where is the networking part? And why is it becoming more antisocial than social? A friend had an interesting point to make. Most online friends he met personally post some pretty engaging conversations turned out be, umm, not really that engaging. I'd say that's probably because you end up constructing exaggerated images that have no hope in hell of coming true. Unlike in real life where you judge your friends less harshly. There's something about being in a car alone, with the windows up and music blaring, that gets perfectly polite people to dig their noses like early prospectors. In full public view. That's quite what the anonymity of your keyboard does to even the most reserved person. We've turned into exhibitionists, posturers, megalomaniacs out to grab our few seconds of approval. Used to be a time when you lost sleep when you were in love (before ill-prepared exams too, but that's another story). Now your sleeping hours are sacrificed for checking how many people, most of whom you've never met and probably never will, have liked your status and retweeted your tweets. You are more likely to comment, when in a meeting, on someone's status update than respond to a text from home (but I was in a meeting, honey). One-on-one conversation is increasingly taking the backseat if you have an option of a one-oneveryone. Chances are, you'll broadcast your promotion to the world before you call your mom. Public, impersonal relationships score higher on grandstanding. 53 likes are replacing dad's “well-done, son.“ Speaking of which, tear-jerking odes to a mother on her day are no longer heard in a phonecall to her. They're plastered on FB updates. It is no longer impolite to butt into someone's conversation. It is not uncommon to see friends pissing over each other on their walls either. The anxieties and envy online mimic those of the physical world. Virtual friendlists mein har koi friend nahin hota. Aur har koi zaroori bhi nahin hota. The world is now a massively-connected online kitty party. And you're invited to gossip, bitch, show off your new acquisitions. Having said that, one cannot argue the fact that my bio ascribes over 22,000 tweets to me. That's the point. Having typed over three million characters on Twitter alone, one has learnt that :) cannot replace a smile on the other side of a coffee mug. And that ({}) is best experienced in person with loud thumps on the back.