Using Social Media Mindfully...

In a time when connections can seem like commodities and online interactions can become casually inauthentic, mindfulness is not just a matter of fostering increased awareness. It’s about relating meaningfully to other people and ourselves. Here is a list of 10 tips for using social media mindfully.

1. Know your intentions.
Doug Firebaugh has identified seven psychological needs we may be looking to meet when we log on: acknowledgment, attention, approval, appreciation, acclaim, assurance, and inclusion. Before you post, ask yourself: Am I looking to be seen or validated? Is there something more constructive I could do to meet that need?

2. Be your authentic self.
In the age of personal branding, most of us have a persona we’d like to develop or maintain. Ego-driven tweets focus on an agenda; authenticity communicates from the heart. Talk about the things that really matter to you. If you need advice or support, ask for it. It’s easier to be present when you’re being true to yourself.

3. If you propose to tweet, always ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
Sometimes we post thoughts without considering how they might impact our entire audience. It’s easy to forget how many friends are reading. Two hundred people make a crowd in person, but online that number can seem insignificant. Before you share, ask yourself: is there anyone this might harm?

4. Offer random tweets of kindness.
Every now and then I ask on Twitter, “Is there anything I can do to help or support you today?” It’s a simple way to use social media to give without expectations of anything in return. By reaching out to help a stranger, you create the possibility of connecting personally with followers you may have otherwise known only peripherally.

5. Experience now, share later.
It’s common to snap a picture with your phone and upload it to Facebook or email it to a friend. This overlaps the experience of being in a moment and sharing it. It also minimizes intimacy, since your entire audience joins your date or gathering in real time. Just as we aim to reduce our internal monologues to be present, we can do the same with our digital narration.

6. Be active, not reactive.
You may receive email updates whenever there is activity on one of your social media accounts, or you might have your cell phone set to give you these types of alerts. This forces you to decide many times throughout the day whether you want or need to respond. Another approach is to choose when to join the conversation, and to use your offline time to decide what value you have to offer.

7. Respond with your full attention.
People often share links without actually reading them, or comment on posts after only scanning them. If the greatest gift we can give someone is our attention, then social media allows us to be endlessly generous. We may not be able to reply to everyone, but responding thoughtfully when we can makes a difference.

8. Use mobile social media sparingly.
In 2009, Pew Research found that 43 percent of cell phone users access the Web on their devices several times a day. It’s what former Microsoft employee Linda Stone refers to as continuous partial attention—when you frequently sign on to be sure you don’t miss out anything. If you choose to limit your cell phone access, you may miss out online, but you won’t miss what’s in front of you.

9. Practice letting go.
It may feel unkind to disregard certain updates or tweets, but we need downtime to be kind to ourselves. Give yourself permission to let yesterday’s stream go. This way you won’t need to “catch up” on updates that have passed but instead can be part of today’s conversation.

10. Enjoy social media!
These are merely suggestions to feel present and purposeful when utilizing social media, but they aren’t hard-and-fast rules. Follow your own instincts and have fun with it. If you’re mindful when you’re disconnected from technology, you have all the tools you need to be mindful when you go online.

And last but not the least...

Facebook, Twitter, Blogs tend to get lumped into the same general category of marketing, they are actually quite different. The audiences and the platforms call for slightly different types of writing. So stop linking them together. Use each medium as per the uniqueness it offers. 

(from - http://www.tricycle.com/feature/ten-mindful-ways-use-social-media)

And we forgot the mother of the boyfriend!!!

It has been a few days since a young pretty girl committed suicide. I am not even saying an actress because even that is secondary. She was just a young pretty girl.

A lot has been reported since starting with her frustrations over an almost non-existent career, her boyfriend with whom (maybe) she was living with, her five page suicide note, her boyfriend's father's notorious past and so on.

A lot of blame game has been played - she herself because she should have known better or sought help, her boyfriend whom she apparently loved and who did not reciprocate - how could he not?, her mother who should have taught her better than to take her own life, boyfriend's father - like father like son etc.

I read her suicide note.

It talks of physical and mental abuse. I do not know the law well so I cannot comment on if it is valid proof as abetment to suicide or not. 

But if the abuse part is true, more than the boyfriend, I blame his mother. Look at the example she set for her son. She married the father in 1986 almost 27 years ago. The father in question has had numerous affairs, a high profile live-in relationship, a history of violence towards women and more. All this while he was still married. Did the mother ever say anything against the husband? Did she walk out of the marriage that was crumpling her worth and causing her mental trauma? 

No. And that for me is her fault in making her son what he is. The mother just by overlooking and accepting all this gave the message to her son that it is okay for men to behave like this, have affairs, not commit to marriage, hit women. Had she walked out of the marriage for all the trauma he gave her or stood up for herself she may have taught her son better. That women are to be respected, not to be physically or mentally hurt, that they are not to be used and thrown and that they have feelings too.

Who knows how the son would have turned out to be but I can bet he would have been more sensitive towards the women in his life.

Children very often role model themselves on what they see their parents doing, how they respect each other, what they compromise upon, what they stand up for and what they choose to ignore in their own relationship. The seeds for a child's any future relationship are laid when you least expect them to be - in the early childhood.

Stop The Shame

Usually I am the kind of the person who is eager to learn new things, positive about life, enjoys good conversations, has a great time with friends and family and above all happy and fun to be with.

But then there have been few times when none of the above has applied to me. Times when I did not know how to handle some people, the emotions they stirred up in me, and even me. The only thing I was aware of was that I needed to talk to someone and sort it before it started to impact my daily life. 

So at that point did I give a damn about what people would think or say? Will my family and friends judge me? Will i be considered an outcast at social gatherings?

NO. And that made all the difference.

I spoke to a few of my very close friends about it. I also sought professional help and shared all about how I was feeling. The platform was much needed and very useful. I learnt how to identify my feelings, what to do with them, learnt more effective ways of handling my feelings and better coping strategies. AND IT MADE A LIFE CHANGING DIFFERENCE.

It has been many years since and of course I still do slip up at times but somewhere I know I am in control. I am more aware. And I have trusted and helpful people whom I can call in times of crisis.

I write this because I know and see people who want to seek help but unable to do so due to lack of support from family and friends. Some are bothered about how they will be judged. Some are worried that family and friends are going to talk about their inadequacies. My only suggestion to them is that it is your life and you have to take charge of it. Behind the happy and rosy pictures of your close ones you have no idea what they go through when they are feeling down. And believe me they feel low too at some point or the other. 

I also write this because it is high time we brought more openness to issues of Mental Health.

I also write this because IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU.

I write this because I want people to STOP THE SHAME that they attach to people who seek help and are fighting against something that they have no control on. Be proud of their efforts and support them. 

Because you never know one day you yourself could be on that couch needing help!!!