All about Hugs...

There is no better way to understand the importance of hugs than to be deprived of them.

Try to recollect the last time you hugged somebody or somebody hugged you. Touch is an important component of attachment as it creates bonds between two individuals and hugging is simply a natural expression of showing that you love and care. A good hug speaks directly to your body and soul, making you feel loved and special. Hugging is a way of fulfilling the profound physical and emotional need for touch in human beings. (There is a scientific explanation for the seemingly magical qualities of a hug that researchers uncovered. Each time we hug, we increase the level of oxytocin in the blood. This hormone triggers a “caring” or "bonding" response in both men and women.)

 

Hugging:

1.      helps the body’s immune system

2.      cures depression

3.      reduces stress

4.      induces sleep

5.      revitalize

Children also benefit from hugging as it:

1. makes them feel better about themselves and their surroundings

2. makes them more loving and affectionate
3. induces and is an expression of forgiveness
4. positively affect their development and IQ
5. increases their sense of security, safety, trust and happiness
6. relieves pain
7. relieves loneliness, frustration, anxiety and other negative emotions
8. opens doors to feelings that children may need to share – reducing the likelihood of explosive behaviours
9. overcomes fear
10. eases tension
11. imparts feelings of belonging
12.transfers energy and gives the child hugged an emotional boost

Why do we hug?

Comforting

Hugs are sometimes given to comfort a distressed other person, such as when a parent hugs a crying child or when a friend hugs another who is upset over a social matter. Comfort hugs are often longer and may continue until the other person has calmed down. The signal for disengagement may well come from the other person, typically by loosening their grip or pulling slightly away.

Bonding

Hugs may be used to develop trust and create an emotional and identity-forming bond with the other person. It is joining identities for a few moments.

Affection

Hugging is often used between friends (who by definition already have a stable bond). Touching signals trust and reaffirms the bond. If you can hug a person without worrying about whether they will mind and without conscious concern as to whether this will upset them, you are likely to be showing affection. Some people, often women, use affectionate hugs quite frequently. A sad fact is that spontaneous hugging seems to be in the decline in societies where fears of abuse and litigation override the simple pleasures of an affectionate hug.

Romance

Hugging is a key part of any romantic relationship and a first hug, often given as a sign of simple affection, is a step away from a first kiss, which significantly deepens the romance. Hugging in romantic relationships is often far more frequent and of much longer duration than affection hugs. Hand positioning on the back is an important romantic signal. The lower the hand, the greater the romantic intent. A longer duration of hug also indicates greater passion.

Possession

When a man puts his arm around his female partner when there are other people about, it may be a signal to others that 'she is mine - hands off'. This may be partly protective and can have elements of jealous guarding his 'property'. A woman may also put her arms around her man when other women might seek his company.

Protection

When out in the street, a man may put his arm around his partner as a signal to her and to others that he is giving her shelter and will be prepared to fight for her safety.

Domination

A hug may also be used as an act of domination. Invading body space and taking charge of the other person's body can easily be an overt act of power, showing how the hugger does not have to ask permission and can invade at will. The domination hug may well be quickly initiated, giving the 'victim' less time to escape. It is also likely to include a stronger squeeze, indicating the power of the hugger. The disengagement may also be slower as the hugger hangs on, maybe even just to an arm, to show they are in control right to the very end.

Types of hugs 

There are many types of hugs that are used. Here is a list of many of these.

Name	Description	Meaning
A-frame hug (or triangle or teepee hug)	Leaning forward a long way, touching at top (forming triangle shape). Quick hug and push away. Little or no eye contact.	Formal greeting, often uncomfortable for both people.
Air hug	Open arms slightly to indicate beginnings of hug. Maybe hug oneself. One or both people may do this.	Greeting at a distance where real hug is difficult or could be embarrassing.
Bear hug	Full body touch, tight clasp. Possibly with growly noises or belly laughter. One person often stronger.	Strong and open affection from extraverted character. Risk of discomfort. Can be an act of domination.
Back pat	Brief hug, often upper-body only, with patting of shoulders or back. Possibly no eye contact.	Back pats are friendly but may be indicator of limited affection. In a longer hug, a back pat signals a desire to end the hug. No eye contact says 'I'm being polite but don't really care.'
Back rub	Longer and close than back pat, with rubbing of the back either up and down or in a circular movement two or three times.	More familiar and affectionate than back patting. Rubbing is closer to caressing and emulates a parent rubbing a baby to 'burp' them. When not done immediately may be a request to end hug.
Body hug	Standard hug, with both people vertical and most of the body touching. Warm embrace, not for too long. Smooth and uninterrupted disengagement.	Standard greeting of friends. Shows relaxation and comfort with the other person. May be many variations on this.
Bomb	The hugger runs up to the other person and leaps wildly onto them, possibly bearing them to the ground. There may well be multiple huggers for one person hugged.	Often congratulatory or celebratory, as when a sports team member scores points.
Butt grab	Full body hug with hands grabbing the other person's bottom, squeezing it or pulling them in. Kissing may also be involved. Hands may go straight to the bottom or may slide down to it from back.	Romantic, with strong sexual overtones. May be unwanted act of domination.
Cheek touch	Leaning forward, very light shoulder clasp, touch cheeks, possibly with kissing noise.	Polite greeting, respecting the other person's body and space.
Clinger	One person holds on for too long. The other tries to pull away but often ends up having to give in and return the longer hug.	Need for extended comfort. May be signal of desire for closer romance. May also be act of dominance.
Comforter	Hugger holding tight or maybe just gently. Hugged person may well be holding tightly. Comforted person rests head on shoulder or breast. Comforting person leans head on head of other person, patting or stroking them.	Administering of comfort to distressed other person. May be between friends, partners or parent-child.
Crusher	Overly tight bear hug. Often held for slightly more than normal hug.	May be accidental 'don't know my strength' but likely dominant show of power.
Cuddle	Full-body with heads touching and firm clasp. May include caressing and comforting words or 'mmm' sounds. Longer duration.	Very similar to the comforter hug and often with this purpose, although may also be romantic or of benefit to both people.
Dance floor hold	On the dance floor, one person puts arms around the other's neck, who puts arms around the waist. They move slowly in time to the music. Often the woman puts arms around the neck and may rest her head on the man's chest or shoulder.	Simulation of intimate embrace, even if it is 'just dancing'. May be a precursor to more romantic events later.
Entwining	Usually lying or sitting down, the whole bodies including legs are entangled together.	Highly sexual. Making two bodies 'as one'. May be used before, during and after intercourse.
Family hug	Long and firm embrace. Often between parents (or grandparents) and children (even when they are adult). Heads touching.	Display of family affection. May be for comfort, greeting or on departure.
Forced kiss	One person tries to kiss (and maybe succeeds) whilst the other pulls away or only allows a quick peck.	Poorly-judged attempt at romance or otherwise dislike of kiss by other person.
Full-on kiss	Mutual and extended lip kiss.	Successful romantic move (by both).
Group hug	People stand in circle with arms around the backs of persons either side. Heads often down and touching in the middle of the circle.	Celebration by group of people. May be ritual confirmation of togetherness.
Hand hug	Looks like shaking hands but other person's hand is grasped with two hands rather than one. Often used by politicians.	May well say 'I would like to hug you but I am too polite.' Person with hand on top may be signaling dominance.
Head envelope	The other person's head is enveloped by the arms and pulled into chest. Hugger may well be taller.	Protective and comforting. May be a a part of the comforter hug.
Lap hug	A lateral twister that leads to one person lying in the lap of the other.	Romantic. Classic sofa action.
Lateral one-arm hug	People standing or sitting side-by-side. One person puts one arm around the others and gives them a quick hug.	Quick and safe sign of approval or affection. If extended may be a comforter. Romantic if in setting such as movie seats.
Lateral twister	People standing or sitting side-by-side twist towards one another and do as best a frontal body hug as possible.	Hugging when constrained by seats. Maybe when lateral one-arm hug leads to more.
Leap and lift	One person (usually the woman) leaps into the air towards the other person and clings onto them, possibly wrapping legs around them. Other person lifts them up, possibly stepping back to absorb the impact. May continue into spin hug.	Excited and open greeting, with significant trust and affection.
Leg wrap	During close hug, one leg is wrapped around the back of the other person's legs. Typically done during long hug with caressing and kissing.	Indication of desired and actual intimacy.
Look at you	Head of other person held between two hands for short eye contact and possibly a few words. May be done before or after (or even without) body hug.	Eye contact creates closer contact and words may be significant. Can be light admonishment of a child before a forgiving hug.
Lover hug	Slow approach with touching, sliding into embrace with extended stroking and caressing.	Romantic and caring. Who knows where it may end up?
Man hug	Quick grab, touching upper body only. Patting back a couple of times. Often avoiding eye contact. Quick release and step back with brief smile. Similar in some ways to shoulder touch.	Greeting between straight male friends. Friendship but clearly nothing romantic.
Neck grab	One person throws arms around the neck of the other person and pulls them in, with heads touching closely.	Often a sign of affection. May also be seeking comfort. Can be dominant.
Open man hug	Fuller body than standard man hug, with more extended hugging. Maybe with cheek hug and head-on-shoulder.	Direct affection. May be gay or just liberated.
Pity pat hug	In a romantic situation, one person pats the other quickly a couple of times on the upper back.	This signals 'I don't want any romance.' A higher pat shows less interest and quick pats indicate a desire to disengage.
Reverse hug	One person approaches the other from behind and puts arms around waist with full-body touch and possibly leans head on shoulder. Hugged person puts hands over hugging hands and possibly leans back with head against huggers head.	Relaxed affection between trusting partners.
Rocker	Standard body hug with rocking from side to side, often with smiling and laughter.	Expression of fun-loving personality. Similar to twister hug.
Sandwich hug	One person is hugged by and between two others. The huggers' arms may reach around one another. Typically parents hugging a child.	Show of affection, comfort or celebration.
Self hug	Wrapping arms around one's own body. Maybe top arm clasping other arm. Possibly some twisting or rocking.	Self-comforting. May signal 'I would like to hug you' or 'I want you to hug me'.
Shoulder drape	One arm casually over shoulder of adjacent person. That person may have arm around hugger's back or waist (especially if the other person is shorter). Long duration.	Not so much a hug as an expression of closeness (and possibly jealous possession).
Shoulder grab	Approach as if to hug but only get as far as grabbing shoulders. Likely to have continued eye contact and arm patting.	Often used by men who see hugging as too familiar. May be tactic by one person to prevent a full hug.
Shoulder touch	Hands clasped in handshake followed by pull together, hands still holding and brief touching of shoulders or chests. May be accompanied by 'ayyy' sounds.	Very often done by men as 'safe' and not-too-intimate greeting.
Spin hug	One person (usually the man) puts arm under the other person arms, lifts them and spins them around.	Open affection. Shows closeness and trust. May indicate possession.
Spoon hug	When lying down with other person (typically in bed) and they are facing the other way, pressing part of all of body behind them (like two spoons fitting together) and put one arm around them.	Like a horizontal reverse hug. Often sustained and may occur as unconscious connection during sleep.
Twister	Body hug with oscillating rotation about a vertical axis.	Similar to the rocker hug. Shows stronger affection.
Unequal height hug	The shorter person puts arms around the waist and possibly rests head on chest. The taller person wraps arms around upper body and maybe rests head on shorter person's head.	Typically taller man and shorter woman in romantic embrace.
Upper-body hug	Similar to body hug but only touching in the upper body. May be quite quick.	Avoiding touching genitalia. Often between man-woman with no romantic connection or between two men.

Sometimes we do not feel like giving or receiving a hug - we simply do not want it. It may have something to do with the other person, or it may not - whatever, we do not feel like we want a hug. And this is okay! Often if I'm feeling like this I say to the other person something like "if you don't mind, I would prefer a shake of the hand". And if somebody says this to me, I quite understand. 

Also, it is certainly true that some people do not enjoy the hug experience. This needs to be respected. It is insulting to suggest that a person who has a different relationship barrier from most of us has a psychological hang-up just because they do not hug; a handshake can also be equally warm and friendly.

This need for touch also seems to have gotten lost in the fast-paced world we live in, where we substitute physical contact with the television, smart phones or internet.

 

So what do you prefer – a handshake or a hug or none???